March 6th, 2024

Gray, rainy morning. I feel extremely disturbed right now. Partly from poor sleep, partly from being on the lion diet for five days, partly from chaos in the house, but probably mostly from old energies in me that are not releasing.

As for the lion diet, I was planning on doing it for a week, which would be through tomorrow. I am just eating beef and salt, and a little fat to cook steak, and a little lemon in my seltzer. It’s an experiment to see if I would feel better doing it. I haven’t. I thought at the very least that I would have zero gut issues. Not so. I have lost at least 6 poounds already – I say at least because I forgot to weigh myself until the third day.

Costco frozen blueberries were becoming a problem for me, as I was snacking on them, sometimes all throughout the day. They made me start gaining weight. Too much of a good thing.

I’ve been feeling crappier than usual, which for me is saying a lot. But I don’t know if with all the weight that is coming off if there is emotional crap that is being burnt off with it – I never hear that mentioned, but it’s gotta be a thing. As your fat burns off, whatever was in the fat cell gets released, and if that is difficult energy to feel, then it would make sense that it would affect you emotionally.

Oppressively gray outside. Sometimes rainy days feel like a pass from having to go out and be active and busy, and sometimes the gray feels like a heavy blanket upon my soul.

Speaking of gray, I got some new French gray sheets which I slept with for the first time last night. That, along with a new mattress topper. Now I have three mattress toppers on top of a very crappy mattress. It’s comfortable, but one of the toppers is very hot, so the other two I bought were to keep me a couple inches away from that one.

I’m in a course right now to help you get your music into tv and film. There was a song contest, and I thought my song was the best on the list, but it wasn’t even selected to go to the final round. It was so upsetting to see that yesterday. It made me feel hopeless. I used a revisioning technique last night on the incident. Motherfucker, am I ever trying…

I’m watching a lot of videos on manifestation, and even booked a coach for the month of March to help me out. I don’t think it’s going to matter much though, as long as I cannot process these energies in me. So far, with all the years of many many practices and dedication, they feel untouched. What I can say is that I can be with them without fear and without reacting to them so much…but they just fucking sit there, and oppress, and never, fucking, go. So at least I can be with them better than I used to – I don’t go into story mode much any more.

There is a man who claims to help with karmic blocks, Edward Mannix, and he is selling a program to help you release them. I got nothing from his program a few years ago, and got nothing from his workshop the other night. So, I stay open-minded, even trying things that failed before, yet nothing works.

One of the big questions to ask is how long to stay in a difficult feeling, before doing something about it. Nevermind. I asked that a thousand times, and the answer doesn’t matter.