September 30th, 2016

Yesterday night I was in such misery that I could only hope death would come swiftly.  Now it’s close to noon and I’ve taken a salt bath and done my rife treatments, and I feel a little better.  I took just five seconds now to queue in on my body, and all of the discomfort is still right there waiting for me.  If I can distract myself enough from it, I do better.  If I become too exhausted to do anything such that I have to lie down and feel it, I can only cope – I may begin researching suicide methods or reading a blog about chronic pain.

A beautiful thing about the Gaian paradise that we will be moving into is that there will be less attachment to bodies, such that if they were to become racked with pain, the decision to leave the body would be fully supported.  When I write fully supported, I mean that you would have many around you who could offer you counsel, treatment, physical contact, help with anything you needed, and they would do everything for you first.  If it was determined by you that the body was just too painful to continue to exist in, they would offer you a quick and painless exit.

It is sick beyond sick that people in chronic pain are not given the option in most areas of the world to die peacefully with the aid of physicians.  It is not a surprise that it is this way since the dark ones want as much misery as possible, and offering a quick and painless way out would be against their fundamental tenets.

It is important to understand as well that the fear of death would also be largely removed in the Gaian world.  There would be an overwhelming awareness that life is eternal, God is good, and that we exist to create and celebrate.

Also, in the Gaian world, bodies would be far healthier and stronger, gravity would not be so strong, synchronicities would increase, there would be far less danger, there would be greater intuition about the presence of danger, all making the chance of illness or injury very small.

As it is now, most of the benefits that Gaia would gladly bestow upon us are missing.  We are weak, most of us are sick, most of us are greatly deluded about ourselves and the world and God, there is little support when you fall apart, and life can quickly become a downward spiral when pain becomes too overwhelming.

When I am using the rife machine, I watch youtube since my hands are tied (actually, my hands are holding metal tubes).  I watched a video today with a man who had a retreat center and he was talking about the importance of the mind and spirit in healing.  While I don’t disagree, what I would state is that all true healing must be holistic and include all aspects of your being.  If you are in an environment that heals holistically, you may obtain fantastic results, but when you leave and are not supported as you were before, you may just fall apart again, despite your efforts to address mind and spirit.

What is the point of this?  That the world as a whole needs to become far healthier so it is a place of natural holistic healing.

There is a scrawny old raw foodist in Arizona, giving shaktipat to his patients, charging exorbitant money to stay at his center, and a while back when I was really sick and considering my options, I looked into an internship to get some of the benefits of being there.  Their message was that you needed to be happy and healthy first before going there.  If health and money are the barriers in the first place, how are these places actually going to help people who are at bottom?

If you’ve been a system player your entire life and get sick, your obedience to the system means you’ll probably have enough funds to pay for treatments, take a retreat, and still have your sorry ass job when you get back.  But when we look at the world as a whole, most people are already in dire need and if they get really sick, there may be no real chance of recovery as they haven’t gotten a foothold in the system, and therefore no access to the dirty money used to pay for everything.

The spiral is really the most important shape to keep in mind when considering evolution.  When things spiral down, everything can support the downward motion.  When things spiral up, everything can support upward motion.  We are agreeing right now to live in a world with downward spiraling motion, all leading to death of course.  That is simply factual.  Arguing with facts is proof of stupidity.  Stating that it is negative to think of the world this way is pure boobism.

I’ll flesh this out really quickly.  We need to fully recognize that we are living in hell in order to see that we need to get out of this situation.  We also need to realize that the way out of hell is expressing ourselves joyfully and spreading our happiness wherever we go.  It is therefore not negative to write or speak about the conditions of this prison, as it is simply factual.  At the same time, most of our attention should be focused on that which brings us up while never forgetting where we are.

If it were this simple, we would just focus on being happy, but the reality is that our minds and bodies are exhausted and most of us are not in touch with our souls, which means we are disconnected from God as well.  Anytime the mind and body become overly exhausted, spirit and God is cut off, which, by the way, satanic forces are well aware of.

Just like the fifteen puzzle requires a little bit of space in order to move the pieces around, without a little space to experience the radiance of our souls, we will be kept in the quagmire of mind-body hell.  If you create more space in the fifteen puzzle to move around, any little child could do it easily.  What needs to occur on a global scale is we need to create more space, more breathing room for our souls, just like taking the #15 piece out of the fifteen puzzle and making it a fourteen puzzle.

This space occurs in pockets by people coming together to create synergistic group energy.  Once that synergy is created, it has to be maintained and shared.  If synergy is not sustained, the group members either as a whole or individually will get reabsorbed by the collective.  Thus it is crucial to have a vision first of our goal, and second to have a methodology to arrive there.

If I were to offer the plan without also offering a vision, it would become at best just the next idiotic thing to go on the dr. oz show.  The Plan can only be effective with the right vision, and part of the vision includes being fully aware of what the world is right now.  On my website, I hope to keep the vision of the future we desire the most visible aspect of the website, and only include scant bits of information regarding the darkness of the world as it is presently.

The focus of DtD is the solution, and it being 2016, there should be enough readiness in the world such that I do not need to provide people with information on the nature of this prison.  The one issue I see with that is that if a whole lotta dumbshits get on board first, they will make the plan ineffective, so it might be sensible to repel some of them away.  Who the hell knows.  Too many variables.  Just gonna keep working on it – that’s all I can really say.

I’ll wrap up by reiterating the point that all individual efforts should pretty much be exhausted by now, and it should be abundantly clear that a group effort is required.  If you still believe that there is something you can do for yourself while the world stays pretty much the same, you are either very young and naive or just plan stupid.  It is a fact that you will do whatever you are capable of on a daily basis to make your life better, and there is nothing you can do about stopping yourself from doing this.  However, whether you appear successful or not in your efforts, if you cannot see that the state of the whole is so utterly diseased and intolerable that your deluded daydream in your pissant little bubble really matters not, you are useless.

September 28th, 2016

It’s a few minutes before noon, and I’m at command central (my couch) with the doors swung open and a nice breeze coming in.  We’ve been getting some better days lately, as to be expected this time of year.  More comfortable temperatures, bluer skies, breezes, cool nights…

A couple nights ago I was really depressed as my leg was in a lot of pain, I felt all alone, that everything was way too difficult, so I started looking up suicide on the web.  I was surprised to find a few good websites that actually had methods for people who really were at the end and wanted to end things as cleanly as possible.  Of course, they recommended not to end your life until you had tried everything else first.  I couldn’t sleep that night, so I played crossy road until 5:30am, then slept until noon.  It was about as gorgeous a day that could be asked for, and I felt a little better after getting up and moving around a little.

Having days with really clean clear air makes a huge difference.  When the light is pure crap and the air doesn’t move, it makes everything worse.  I read a little about contrails yesterday, and there was an idea that I hadn’t heard before that made a lot of sense.  First, the author stated that it would not make sense to poison people through the air through chemicals because it is not terribly effective, and they can already easily poison most people through water, foods, medicine, and injections.  Next, he talked about increased cosmic dust in the atmosphere, and that in order for clouds to form, there must be small particles first for water droplets to form.  Research has shown that there has been a great increase in atmospheric dust in the last few decades, providing a propensity to more easily form clouds.  Makes sense.

Truth usually makes sense.  It appeals to reason.  It is usually simple.   It connects the dots.  It is interesting.  It draws us in.  That is all true of course unless you are asleep, in which case, you prefer nonsense which is not really a preference at all, but just lack of awareness.

I sometimes think about what kind of people it will take to spark salvation, and I wonder if it’s possible for people who are unaware of what is really going on to be key players.  Can you be a player in salvation if you do not see that the world is a prison ruled by dark entities?  I don’t believe so, but I don’t know for sure.  As far as the website, I am keeping most of the ‘dark stuff’ away, not because I don’t think it’s important, but because I want the website to be the place of the solution.  There are plenty of places to go to research the problem.  What I do state on the website is that the solution which is offered is the solution to the ‘solvable problem’, in other words, it is a solution that can actually be implemented with relative ease.

<I just worked on my website a while as the previous paragraph sparked me to do so>

There were a bunch of other things I wanted to address, but I’ve gotta prepare for my singing lesson.  I’m gonna take a break and finish later.

<2 hour break>

I’m back.  Still a nice breezy day.  Wind chimes are creating some ambiance.

I’ll write about the election a minute, since I have a few thoughts about it.  If the mainstream media does not report on the wikileaks latest releases of the hillary clinton emails and the implications of her involvement in Lybia, then it is 100% clear that the media is not just leaning in her favor, but it has selected her as the candidate.  If that is the case, then what donald trump needs to do is make an offer to Gary Johnson to join him, since Johnson has no chance of winning or even coming close, but his votes will clearly add up for a plurality.  Offer him a spot in the cabinet and offer to return most of the money that had been raised for the campaign.  Dirty?  Maybe a tad.  Not any dirtier than any of the other crap that goes on, and trump is a dirty man anyhow.

There are some people who support trump, feeling wisely independent for doing so, which is absurd to me.  Vote against clinton, vote for a non-politician, vote for a guy with no respect for manners and respect…that’s all good.  There is, however, little substance to support this guy at all, only about 2o something other entities to vote against (the other entities being candidates of course, now only one of which is viable).

Even worse are the clinton supporters.  They see themselves as well educated, well informed, and intellectually superior to the ‘depraved’ rednecks who are voting for trump.  I saw a ten minute clip of will and grace this morning, which touted a pro-clinton message.  They are so unaware of the corruption of the clintons, so unaware of how corrupt the system is as a whole, and unwilling to truly entertain any ideas of satanism actively ruling the world.

If you are voting for one to vote against the other one, fine.  However, there is nothing to support either of them for.  That stated, in my opinion trump would be the lesser of evils.  We have no idea what would happen with him in office, but since the dark controllers don’t want him to be president, they would probably start poisoning his food not long after he got elected (if he does).  Not in blatant ways, but a little mercury here, a little cancer virus there…  Ya know, run of the mill kinda stuff.

There is one other thing to consider as well, and that is the possibility of an incident such as a ‘terrorist attack’ or all-out war, to prevent the election from occurring.  The u.s. government clearly wants to pick a fight with Russia and Iran, and who knows how far away from that we are.  With the u.s. arming and funding the terrorists in Syria, and Russia standing behind the government there, it could serve as the powder keg for a justifiable war on the great bear.  Of course this time, Russia would actually look pretty saintly next to the u.s..

An easily deceived population will buy any lies hurled towards it, and of course has already bought into the greater unseen lie that the world we live in is real life.  When we see that normal means healthy, happy, creative, generous, spontaneous, kind, and caring, this world becomes an obvious nightmare which is inherently flawed.  I’m thinking of the song ‘ordinary world’ by Duran Duran –

But I won’t cry for yesterday
There’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Might have been about a girl, but then again, most good songs about gals and guys can easily be applied to God, Heaven, and salvation.

‘Living with eyes closed is easy, misunderstanding all you see’

-that song was written for harry connick junior, whose favorite company is wal-mart.  What a luxury it is to have your head up your ass that you confuse the smell of shit and flowers.

 

 

 

September 26th, 2016

It is monday morning, a full six weeks now since my injury.  I was expecting to be more mobile by now, to have less discomfort by now, to have a brighter mindset about the future by now, but no.  We are already past the time of the equinox, which I had set as the time to fully launch my efforts – I came nowhere even close.

Whether the anaesthesia or the opiates had a big impact on my mind I have no idea.  I went from having a strong sense of purpose to have to force myself to do any work now, as I just can’t really get myself to care.  And as I type now, I am able to see just how chaotic my thoughts are – trying to describe myself as being here or there is just more folly, as I don’t feel anchored in anything.

My focus has returned to lyme disease, and doing my best to treat it and deal with the symptoms.  I’ve been using the rife machine for about a week now, as well as taking herbs and MMS, both of which taste pretty horrid.  The herbs contain androphagis which is very bitter, and the MMS is like drinking a swimming pool.  I do my best to take as much as I think I should, but I’m really just not sure how best to go about it.  If I feel super crappy, which I have most of the time lately, I back off a little on the herbs and mms.  Dealing with lyme and the broken leg is about all I feel I can handle.  It is more than enough – making me crave a way out more than ever.

Most weekdays, I get enough done to avoid feeling totally worthless, but some days I can hardly do anything at all.  This morning I am going to shower when I’m done writing, then go do a rife session, then make lunch.  By the afternoon I hope to play some music, better yet record, and do a minuscule amount of work on the website.  That might be all I can do today.  I’m supposed to make some phone calls and crap too.  If I don’t get enough work done in the morning I don’t believe I’m justified in laying in the hammock later in the afternoon, which I might just do anyways.

Having no shrink to talk to, and having far less support from people than I need, it’s important to include some of my experience here, as writing is helpful, and it helps me to clear off some of the muck.  I have virtually no social media presence, so I’ve made noone aware of my injury via those means, but the few that I hoped might have shown a little more care have deserted me.  It is only my neighbor Fran who comes by once a week to sit and chat with me for a while.

I know I need a new group of people to come into my life.  These petty relationships I’ve had which I’ve thought of sort like friendships, are clearly not.  A true friend is one whom you are close enough to such that if you did not hear from them in a week you would be contacting them, not so much out of worry, but just because you miss them.  Then of course if they were in need, you would be in contact even more to help them out.

With lyme disease you don’t get much care or concern at all.  Having no condition at all (or so you think) before you get a diagnosis of lyme disease draws no compassion whatsoever.  It’s not like cancer in which conditioned minds all reach out to help the afflicted one, as they are just following the conditioned response.  It’s not that people should not reach out to people with cancer, it’s simply an observation that people do not care unless they are ‘supposed to care’.  The quality of life for people with chronic lyme disease is worse than most other major diseases, but there is no manufactured opinion as to the severity of lyme, thus people don’t care.

I don’t want to be an advocate for people with lyme, nor do I feel called to make a lyme awareness day, nor do I believe that anyone would actually listen to me if I told them to do the simplest thing to become informed.  My parents have watched a few documentaries about lyme, yet they don’t get that this disease is completely destroying my life.  They talk to me as though I don’t have this disease – they never ask about it.  I have had energy in the past to reach out and seek help, but mostly I don’t advocate much for myself because I just see it as wasted energy.

Maybe the dark ones sensed that there was to be a push around this time of this year, so we are witnessing some backlash, increased attacks, and mind control.  The dark ones work through people, and as long as people are programmed and fast asleep, they are basically just tools of the dark ones.  I read a blog post last night about increased psychic attack, so maybe that is somewhat responsible for what is going on with me now.  More maybe’s.

On a positive note, I played drums a couple times last week.  The first time I went down to the basement during the day when I was alone, and was able to play about 25 minutes.  My right leg is very weak on the kick drum, and I’m not supporting much of my weight with it either, so it gets uncomfortable pretty quickly to sit there.  I also played drums with my son as well – teaching him a new groove.  Yesterday we both played ‘crossy roads’ for quite a few hours on our ipads.  Sometimes there is nothing better for me than playing an addictive video game.  It was a good day of bonding yesterday.  We also made a fire last night for the first time in many weeks.

Well it’s time to bathe now.  Taking care of a ailing body that basically is my life here feels utterly senseless, yet, if I’m not going to kill myself that’s what I need to do.  The world is entirely fraudulent and is rigged for us to lose, yet again, you have to keep doing all these things just to be able to survive here if you’re not going to kill yourself.

 

September 19th, 2016

It is quite clear on this rainy morning that I will not be done with my website like I was originally hoping to by the equinox.  Had I met a good web designer right away and had I not broken my leg it might have been finished, but I’m not really into ‘what ifs’.  What I do now is just set myself some tasks for the day and try my best to complete them.

On saturday I played at a colors festival in new vrindaban – a hare krishna compound.  I was pretty close to cancelling with this broken leg and all, but I would have felt bad for one of the fellas I was playing with – he had walked 2 miles each way to my house to practice on a humid day last week.  We had an okay time playing (I played bass and sung) and I got paid, and we left soon after.

We set a nice vibe on stage, but thereafter, the vibe was straight up disgusting.  One after the other some dipshit got up on stage with their techno beats on in the background and yelled some garbage into the microphone about peace and unity and love and the sacred mantra…

I’ll state this again, because it’s so important: creating synergy is less of a quantitative formula than a qualitative one.  You can get hundreds or thousands of people to do something, but usually it just keeps things the same because the quality of the relationships is bad.  While salvation is somewhat of a numbers game, it will be ignited most likely by small numbers of people who rapidly share and spread their way of being.

It is natural for the soul to participate in salvation, therefore once the gunk of the false identity is removed, you will naturally save the world.  It will be the only thing to do.  If you recognize that there’s donkey piss in the fish tank, your only objective is to clean the water.  If you have an overcrowded dog kennel and there’s shit everywhere, your only objective is to clean up and give the dogs more space.  If you have a problem that is inherent in the context and you see that it is a problem, you fix it.  If you don’t see the problem, you, as one of the fish or dogs, just keep on swimming or mulling around, doing what you’ve been programmed to do.

Last week I got a fair amount accomplished and I hope to have a similar week.  I finished up some of the musical work I was doing, and now am relying on hearing back from someone to help me out – I paid him for his services.  I’ll give him a little while, and then I am going to make a youtube video critiquing his program – it will be honest, thus, unfavorable.  He is the third prick I’ve dealt with lately over the phone to help me out.

With regards to the work I’m doing, it is easy for me to start thinking about how nothing I’ve ever done has really been recognized, that noone will support me, everyone will just end up screwing me over, people will only be motivated by money, or that people who I’ve counted on will find something to harbor a grudge towards me about, and therefore there’s no point.  None of those statements is false from my experience.  I am not doing this work because I think it’s important or necessary or that I think it will turn out well – when I really look at it honestly, I am doing it because there’s nothing else to do.

There are some things in the near future that I will have to deal with if the world does not change, and although those things scare me, it doesn’t necessarily give me the motivation to work harder.  I don’t have any formulas for success on an individual level.  I don’t see success as really being possible in a nightmare.  You can get lucky (reap some past karma but often you just made a deal with the devil), and that’s about all.

I see DtD as being the only answer for me as well as the entire world.  What I need for myself is The Plan which DtD offers.  When you have a real support system and begin to see a brighter future, you naturally have more energy and less fear, and are able to be more helpful and productive.  Most of salvation is about moving along with the stream.  It is about looking for the easiest way that can actually work, and then setting about to actually do it.

There are more than enough bright minds who look forward to working together to implement existing solutions and come up with new solutions to create a better world in terms of improving the major systems of the world and technology.  I’m not concerned about all of the mechanics and micromanagement – I am concerned only with what it takes to rapidly shift direction so we can do what we already know needs to be done.

Many a village has existed in this world with primitive technology by our current standards, and has lived relatively peacefully until a warring tribe or nation or empire decided to attack them.  Without conflict there is nothing to world peace – it would just happen.  It’s redundant, but what needs to be understood is that there is not some evil force lurking in all people which prevents peace from occurring.  The world is controlled by dark entities which destroy peace, and these controllers use people to do their dirty work.

If you are an evolved and intelligent person, you should have stopped distrusting yourself by now, thinking that you have a dark side which is capricious and malevolent.  Part of the process of getting the world to salvation readiness was the taking on of the world’s karma and processing it to prevent global catastrophe.  This entailed that the light beings who came here took on other peoples’ suffering as if it were their own, unable to remember that they agreed to this.  If they did remember their agreement, it would not necessarily help or hurt them in dealing with the suffering.  It is just a fact that amnesia sets in upon taking birth here.

Point is, you should know by now that further suffering is unnecessary, but if you don’t take an action to transform the world, you will be stuck in your old role as a cosmic composter.  If you don’t see what course to take, you might as well just get involved with DtD – it does not dictate your course – it is just something to give you the support you need to find yourself, be yourself, and save the world doing what you love.

I had a bunch of books I was getting set to plow through but I know fully well that reading them is not going to do much for me.  You can change your perspective a little bit from new information, but it doesn’t really alter the fact that ‘you are here and something needs to be done about it’.  Any ideas that pertain to the hereafter, such as christian beliefs and hairy krishna beliefs are useless.  Believing in things without grasping the full context is just nonsense.

Whatever thoughts you have had roaming around in your head trying to make sense of the world and justifying your behavior should all have gone by the wayside by now, in favor of the simple statement ‘I need relief and am only interested in how to get it’.  By now you should be fully convinced that there will be no divine or otherworldly intervention, and that action is our responsibility.

If you identify yourself as a light being, you should know full well by now that salvation of the world is your hands, and that it has nothing to do with the masses.  The idea of transforming the world by spreading information to as many people as possible is an idea of the programmed human mind which cannot even save itself, let alone the world.  What the dark ones understand perfectly is that you becoming aware of information is just a baby step that means next to nothing.  As soon as you are on to them, they can shift their disguises, and use the media to shift the blame.  If one of their minions gets targeted and becomes the scapegoat, they don’t care – they’ve got boatloads more waiting on the poop decks.

Whatever action you decide to take with the awareness that you are in a prison means nothing if you don’t understand how the prison is kept intact.  In a few words it is ‘divide and conquer’.  As long as you perceive yourself in a competition with other people for resources and status, you will unwittingly strengthen the bars of the prison.  Pursuing higher education and practicing interviewing and learning skills to make you a more valuable asset all indicate your subservience to the system of domination.

In the decision to do all this, you have made the decision (without even realizing that you did) that the world is dangerous, it cannot be fundamentally altered (but even if it can I need to protect my own sorry ass in the meantime), and there are all kinds of things I want that justify my ambitious propensities.  This will then cause you to justify your behavior such that you will defend what you are doing and claim that it is important to keep the world stable.

Being a player in salvation entails that you basically see what you are doing here as useless.  Defending yourself and all that you do has an almost perfect correlation with being a brainwashed idiot.  These most successful ones of this types usually have all the toys to attract others to them who further strengthen their convictions about themselves and their lifestyle.

What I need help with and you will as well, is to be reminded that brainwashed idiots are not the roadblock to salvation.  You and me, remaining separate, not engaged in an action plan is what curtails salvation.  It is inevitable that people will irritate you, but as long as you believe that they are in control of your destiny, you are lacking in understanding.  People simply do what they have been programmed to do.  The spark of light that has led you to sanity can provide you with more than enough instances in your own life where you were mostly insane and did what everyone else did, willingly.  That contrast and the remembering of your insanity should serve to help you in realizing that people cannot do anything about their insanity.

What is most likely true for you and everyone who has walked along with you on this journey, however far away in space, is that is has been mostly a mostly painful disillusionment you’ve had to go through to attain your current perspective, which truly does now allow you to be an effective player in salvation.  The waking up of others can only be through painful disillusionment as well, and that is not our job.

The players of salvation are ready now, and are not lacking in number.  Hold no idea in your mind that more bodies are necessary, that the masses need to be more awake for the great shift to occur.  It will not occur overnight, but if you give 100 days from the beginning of your active participation, you will see results.

 

September 14th, 2016

Two days ago, on monday morning, I had a mental resolve to make a surge ahead and begin to mount my efforts once again.  The last two days were more productive than I had been, at least in terms of doing what I considered to be more important work.  What I am well aware of, however, is that however confident or motivated I may be in any given moment, all of that means nothing against the harsh reality of my symptoms.  Just minutes ago, standing with my crutches and gazing out the open door, I felt a wave of heaviness move over me and a feeling of ‘I can’t do this’.  Part of me wants to scream ‘I can’t do this!’, but the fact is that I have too little energy much of the time.

My symptomology entails that I am not a good advocate for myself, and that when I am completely overtaken by fatigue and heaviness and discomfort, I cannot speak up for myself.  Having to get around on crutches only compounds the seeming futility of action, and the senselessness of any efforts at all.  All statements that begin with the idea of ‘I am going to…’ (meaning that I am going to gather my wits and strength and yet again make an effort in some direction) completely fall apart against the blatant severity of my condition.

What typically occurs is that inaction simply becomes more painful than action, and given that suicide in not really on the table, I just do what is less painful.  I would be interested as to how having a gun in the house would affect my mental state – how much I might be tempted.

When I broke my leg the pain of the break and the opiates I was taking trumped the lyme symptoms so I was less aware of them, even if they were still active and lurking in the background.  When I reduced the medication, the dreaded symptoms came roaring back but I didn’t have much of the strength to get back on my treatment protocol, nor did I even have much strength to even ask for help.

A couple months ago I remember writing about after years of struggle I was finally enjoying spending time with my son, biking and playing kickball and drumming and making fires.  I see him backsliding as well without me able to actively engage him more.  Being able to exercise, including gardening, pickleball, swimming, and also using the sauna at the Y were lifesavers for me – being sedentary causes more severe flareups.

The last few days I have been able to make it out to the hammock and yesterday I lied down in it for a couple hours on two occasions.  Going to the hammock is a slight increase in radius for me – it’s maybe 70 feet away.  For the most part, the couch has been my center and I move 15 feet frontwards to go outside, 15 feet backwards to go to my music room, or a few feet over then up 4 stairs and another 15 feet to get to the bathroom and kitchen.  It’s a very tight radius.

Up until my accident, I was becoming more and more inclined to stay home anyway, as people and the outside world were irritating the hell out of me.  But what kills me the most now is I can’t engage my son more.  We would typically play soccer in the evening, then we’d ride our bikes over to where we planted the flowers in the spring, then I would water the plants and do a little gardening.  The activity was really helpful for me.

After getting used to placing my foot on the ground two days ago and then adding slight amounts of weight to it yesterday, my leg ached really badly last night, and I was acutely aware that I am probably dealing with tendon and ligament issues as well.  I also know that I have nerve damage and the muscles are weak.

It would seem the ideal time to work on my website, and it is in terms of the fact that I cannot distract myself with as much as before, but I am not feeling up to it.  I’ve gotten some work done, as the developer is putting a little pressure on me to get back on schedule.  I see the cruel irony that if I were able to get the help I need in the form of support which dissolving the dream advocates, I would probably be in a better place now.  I’ve also been oppressed with thoughts about the apparent hypocrisy of how a person as isolated as me is advocating and supposedly claiming to be an expert on relationships.  I’m also well aware of the conflicts I’ve been in, and I feel audacious in my claim to have a solution for peace when I have not been able to find it in my own life.

All of the soul searching I’ve done had led me to know my role in these conflicts, and how it may actually have been true that I had not been at fault in many of them, but now my mind is turning back to thoughts of karma and the inescapable effects of lyme disease, and if only my left leg had broken so I could drive down to the gun store.  Would the crutches be in issue in purchasing a gun?

Almost every day on the news there is a story about someone who committed some act of violence, as the newscasters report the story in slightly somber but mostly deadpan tones.  When it turns to discussion of the matter, there is surprise and outrage, but these things happen every day and they always have.  It should be expected, but human beings are very stupid creatures to see supposedly anomalous acts as truly being anomalous.

Just how many cries for help are ignored before someone does something really stupid?  Maybe those cries for help were when they were infants lying in their own piss, screaming for a drink of water, screaming because their tummy ached, and noone came to comfort them, day after day after day, so defensive personality structures were formed to prevent them from feeling their own pain and the pain of others, and then…

At the age of 38 I still cannot articulate my experience as well as I would like to, so how much less a little child?  I still do not advocate for myself like I would like to be able to, so how could I expect others to?

I’ll just end by reiterating one key point of dissolving the dream and transformation of the world in general.  The shift of the ages will only come through those who came here with the express purpose of creating the shift, and those people must already be ready right now.  The idea that people are learning and progressing and evolving plays no part in all of this.  If one is not ready now, they will never be among those who ignite the shift.

 

 

September 12th, 2016

It is 28 days, 4 weeks now, since I broke my leg.  Mostly I’ve been content given my situation to read, watch tv, watch youtube, and play my instruments.

In my music room, I have a violin, flute, trumpet, guitar, djembe, and a few other flutes and percussive toys in arm’s reach, as well as a music stand, sheet music, and speakers for my ipad.  It’s about 10 months since I began the violin, and I’ve made decent progress, although vibrato is still eluding me.  The flute I began in february and is going pretty well, the trumpet which I began in march, less so.  Maybe because it’s harder, but more likely because I’ve got a very cheap one and the valves are always getting stuck.  I ordered some different valve oil for it, hoping it will help.

I have not been recording and doing other aspects of music that are more pertinent, which is making me feel some pressure right now, thus the list I have going on a notecard today.  It’s the first list I’ve made since the break.

As far as reading, I finished King Jesus by Robert Graves a couple weeks ago, and am reading several books about science and astronomy right now.  My youtubing led me to the topic of the electric universe, so I’m reading a couple books by Walter Russell, The Electric Sky by Donald Scott, Earth Changes by Pierre Lescaudron, and soon a couple books by Immanuel Velikovsky.

For the most part, reading is something I view as supplemental, and it should generally not substitute for work or real things.  By work I mean actually moving matter around.  The word ‘work’ often times means just going to a job, but when I talk about work I actually mean physical work – manipulating matter with your hands and making changes in the environment.  lawyers, accountants, bankers, web designers, medical administators, politicians… they don’t work at their jobs.  They love to see themselves as hard working, but all these jobs should be done minimally and most phased out – noone should exempt themselves from actual work.  If you use the economic system to make money without doing work so others have to do the real work for you, the karmic load will be really heavy.  More importantly in an immediate sense, not doing work is bad for your mind and body.

Not being able to do any work right now, I have to rely on others to work for me.  Even in a non-hobbled state, I rely on others to do work for my existence here, as does everyone.  If you decide to be Henry David Thoreau for a while and live by yourself in the woods and be almost entirely self-sustaining, then you are mostly working for yourself.  But even in his case, he had many things in his cabin made by others who made that existence okay for him – most importanly, he needed ink and paper to write – did he make those himselves?  Probably not – others needed to work to make those things.

Given the progress of technology, we have the potential to do less work than ever now and have more time for leisure than ever before.  By leisure, I don’t mean spending copious time ‘relaxing’.  Leisure time should generally be spent in an active state in which you are creating more flow for others by being helpful and energetic.  If one does have an accident like I did, they will be forced to rely on others, yet this reliance is not such a big deal if we are embodying soul, because in a higher energetic rung of the cosmic ladder helping and being helped are both joyful.  Most of the time we should be happy and helpful, and some of the time we will need lots of help.

Families with disabled children already require enormous help.  Yet it’s not enough in most cases, because it is sytematized help and is not at all natural.  There is loads of bureaucracy and paperwork and phone calls to organize people who work for money in order to provide services, instead of us acting from a higher state of being and automatically doing what is needed.

The human mind is almost completely blind to the possibility that it could attain a state in which it could be helpful just by raising its state of being and awareness.  In others words, just by you being you, you can be extraordinarily helpful.  But that takes practice and training and a supportive environment for you to be the best you possible.  That is why I have a plan to manifest that possibility.

Working to change the system directly is inefficient, and to those who truly care, the modality of direct change should be hopeless by now.  For example, if you believe there is a problem with the bus system in your city, you could work to change it, but you would probably have to do a lot of work just to talk to people who are in positions of power to do something, and it would probably requiring drumming up support from people who believe it is a cause worthy of their time.  Getting ‘busy’ people to do much of anything is difficult.  busy-ness has no virtue at all – it is just a clear sign that you’ve been fooled into pursuing things that have no fulfillment, yet being busy seems preferable to most humans in comparison to introspection and peeling back the layers of reality.

While we cannot get away from having to deal with problems head-on and facing them directly, we would be wise at least to be able to glean that from a more energetic and empowered and unified state of being we would be able to tackle problems far more efficiently.  Living in this dense reality we are in, we do have to deal with problems constantly, and although we may be able to realize that our state of being is what is most important, we are blind if we do not see that it is the alchemy of higher relationships that provide us the support to raise our state of being and maintain its elevation.

There are seemingly countless people selling ideas and products which purport to improve your health and finances.  They appear to actually believe in what they are saying and doing.  Yet they play right into the hands of darkness, as darkness would always allow for you to believe that searching for answers and happiness within a fraudulent reality is worthwhile.  Darkness is happy to support those who would lead you down yet another dead-end alley.  There may be a modicum of success through all these vain attempts which typically is more harmful than helpful, since you then become a believer in bullshit and you then encourage others to believe and pursue bullshit as well.

To the light ones who came here to help, the laws of the world do not operate the same way they do for conditioned souls.  Most of the time this is depressing, since the world seems to offer so much to others and so little to you.  Yet your painful disillusionment can be used now to engage in a meaningful existence, as destined you by God.

We are now many months late in regards to when the great transformation could have begun.  It has not started yet, despite what anyone proclaims.  The great transformation will be abundantly clear and visible, and will be marked by greater health and happiness and the desire to rapidly spread well-being to all the globe.  Once there is a luminous spark, a conflagration will not be far off.

What people will initially experience is that their current condition will not feel so heavy once they gain a vision of how a far better world awaits and that they actually participating in the visible transformation of the world.  If we look at a portrait, for example, there is a term called ‘look space’, which is the space in front of the face in a typical 30-degree angle head shot.  There is more space in front of the face than behind the head, because we always move forward and the state of being we currently embody is dictated by what direction we are moving in.  I’ll hammer it home some more.  The way you feel is impacted by the future you see yourself moving into moreso than where you currently are.  The phrase ‘the future is now’ has great bearing.

So-called spiritual people who have bought the pseudo wisdom of the east regarding the present moment and living in the now have made this idea of ‘be here now’ the goal.  The statement could be refuted by one simple observation: facts are not goals.  In other words, you already are here now, so it is a fact.  Does it help?  How could it?  It’s just a fact, or accurate description of your current reality.  Ram Dass, the author of ‘be here now’, was and is considered a great teacher, yet all of what he believed 40 years ago is of little value now.  He is living in a body filled with pain, and requires great help just to maintain his existence.  That is no fault of his, as he is doing his best like the rest of us to adapt to a world that does not support life.

A quick clarification here.  Supporting life, and allowing life to attempt to live, are not the same.  The world we are in does not support life at all.  Supporting life means helping life to thrive.  It is very much the idea of the lion and the lamb snuggling by the firepit.  Life that is fully supported does not perceive threats, because they do not exist.  Many of the small life forms that currently exist (fact) will not exist on a higher order of magnitude.  All sorts of bacteria and viruses and insects will not be supported on a higher octave of vibration.  There are certain species of insects that people generally love, like butterflies, dragonflies, ladybugs, and bumblebees, which will exist in higher octaves because they are God’s Creations.  You could think of them continuing to exist because we will actually want them to exist and therefore we will choose to bring them along, yet it only serves to demonstrate that what we want is in perfect alignment with what God Creates.

That is enough for now.  I didn’t write much about what I intended to earlier.  Being able to sit at the computer with my right foot resting on the floor (as opposed to being elevated) allows me to get more done, as the couch is just not a great place for working on the computer.

It being four weeks since the break, today is the day I begin bearing some weight on the leg.  The muscles are very flabby and sore at the same time, the tendons and ligaments are tight, and there is nerve damage as well.  While I hope to have the leg functioning as it did before, I also acknowledge that having two perfectly functioning legs in an insane world is nothing to be truly desired.  Yet my legs are important for me to get work done, be helpful, and fulfill my purpose.  The lack of physical activity, and falling away from taking all my supplements to deal with the lyme symptoms has placed me in a position of less confidence, and less motivation since I’ve perceived taking action as somewhat futile.

Writing is helpful because it is in line with my purpose, so hopefully it gives me a spark of energy to get more purpose driven and get work done.  Okay, that really is enough.