October 31st, 2023

A little late for the full moon, but still in the window. I got over 8 hours sleep last night – a rarity. Rare that I go to bed earlier than my target time.

Fall is mostly over. It’s been a prolonged fall – long-lasting color. It’s been really nice. So many words in the English language and I wrote ‘nice’ – it’s a fine word though. So many words and I wrote ‘fine’…

I’m reading less these days. I’m on my second romance novel. This one is really good – The Kingmaker by Kennedy Ryan. I saw an interview of her yesterday – she’s a smart cookie, and she does a lot of research to write her novels, which is really cool. She builds sexual tension well. I read another book called ‘The Mountain Between Us’ – it was the guy’s first or second novel, and it showed. Pacing was terrible, and the dialogue was literally unbelievable, and the scenario was hard to believe too. It’s one thing if you’re writing fantasy – then there are no rules as to what can happen. But if you’re not writing fantasy, then your book has got to be believable.

Cold water is at 61 degrees now. Makes for a pretty frigid shower. Doing the sandwich method – cold then hot then cold.

Going to play pickleball shortly in the new dome. So far, no heat, and it’s 35 degrees outside – I’m dressed to go.

It’s been nearly impossible for me to record music lately – after I screwed up and used the ‘line’ instead of the ‘instrument’ input a couple months ago, I was dejected. Yesterday, the damn G string could not be tuned on my strat. Weird, and annoying, and deters me from trying even more. That’s the problem when you do so many styles – it’s not just plug and play. You’ve got lots of things to figure out for each song you do.

A couple things.

Philosophy means nothing when you ignore your responsibilities. If you have great ideas, they don’t matter until you’ve made your bed and cleaned the dishes. It doesn’t matter how enlightened your philosophy is if you’ve got a stinky beard.

The only important question really is: how are you? Chuck may have cancer. Chuck may not give a crap that he has cancer. Laurie may have won the lottery. Laurie may still be depressed. Cancer, lottery…doesn’t matter. Whatever is happening doesn’t necessarily mean a whole lot. We can’t judge how well a person is doing by what’s happening. People in a firezone are certainly under distress, but if they’re all together, maybe they’re doing better than a miserable dude in a cubical dealing with miserable customers all day.

That’s the best I’ve got at the moment. I need to take a nap. If you fall asleep on the sofa, it’s a catnap, if you fall asleep on the toilet, it’s a crapnap.

10-16-23

The new moon was two days ago, and I missed writing on the last full moon. My only intention now for this blog is to write at those two times. There is something good about writing here versus my journal, in that it forces me to write as though I have an audience, and therefore to feel a little pressure and write up to up a higher standard. I have the thought now that I missed out on being a great writer. The days of me feeling like a great writer are mostly gone. Many times I used to write blog posts and would feel like a great writer after having done so. I can only recall one time now in the last year where I felt that way.

Seasons are changing. Half the leaves are still on the trees.

For the first time in a couple years, I opened up bitchute last night to get a different perspective on what is happening in Israel. I only watched the news one time, maybe five days after the attacks. Mostly I just listened to my dad talk about it.

My first hunch was that there seemed to be something unbelievable about how the attacks could have happened – how such massive attacks could have happened without warning, and how Israel’s security system could be breached. Now it seems that this is almost definitely true.

On the highway a few days ago, I saw a billboard that said ‘pray for Israel’, then had the hashtag #neveragain. The fact that we are getting all of these messages to support Israel alone makes the whole thing suspect.

Two days ago, I watched Gabor Mate talk about the situation for about 12 minutes. He was one of the few people I was willing to listen to. He spoke mainly about how badly the Palestinians had been treated for decades, and how what has been done to them is far greater than anything that has been done to Israelis. Sounds right to me.

Hopefully I found out what I needed to and will be satisfied there, without feeling compelled to go into this anymore. It won’t benefit me to do so.

Despite me having worked through a great deal of my fear, my body still has a lot that needs to be worked out. I still have a lot pain and chaotic energies moving through my body. It’s massively uncomfortable, and fairly constant. Cold showers help as a reset. What remains hardest is to sit still, doing unpleasant mental tasks. I’d rather dig ditches.

I’ll be going back on a carnivore diet soon to see if that helps.